just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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