Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
