you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
