Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
