i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
