Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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