Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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