Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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