you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
