somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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