At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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