I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
