so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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