My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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