I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
