bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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