I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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