Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
