why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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