Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
