I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
