So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
