I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
