glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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