I am puke
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
