in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
now i know why i became what i already was.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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