East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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