I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
