do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
