every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
