nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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