no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
