I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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