Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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