I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
