Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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