your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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