Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
