i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
