im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
