The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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