Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
