his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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