Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
