i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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