I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
