a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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