THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
