I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
