I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
