i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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