Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
