youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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