He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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