hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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