he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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