There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
