I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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