My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
