and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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