dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
