I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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