Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
