..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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