im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
