My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
