You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
