i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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