and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
