someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
