Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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