I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
